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Established in Havana back in 1845, the Partagas cigar is today produced in two distinct locations – Cuba and the Dominican Republic. They are essentially both using the historic brand established by Jaime Partagas y Ravelo, an experienced tobacco factory worker who built his own factory in Havana, the Partagas Royal Tobacco Factory. As a supplier to the European royal families, he had the right to name it so.

Eventually, he came to own most of the best plantations in Cuba, and could choose from the finest cigar tobacco on the island. This is what really made the Partagas brand initially, along with his experimental approach to blending and ageing the tobacco leaves.

Partagas himself was a real character. He was involved in a number of love affairs (and ended up murdered as a result), and he was the very first lector, reading stories and poems to his cigar rollers.

After his death, ownership of the factory – and the Partagas brand – passed on to his son, but ownership changed hands several times over. It was Ramon Cifuentes, who also produced his eponymous cigars, who took on production. Tobacco was nationalised after the Cuban Revolution, and the government took over.

Sales soared, and Partagas became one of the most popular cigars in Cuba, if not the world – by the mid 1990s, it was second overall behind Montecristo. Today, the Partagas Cigar Factory is one of the most popular tourist destinations in Cuba, but most people outside of Cuba will find themselves smoking the Dominican Republic brand of Partagas. This factory only opened in 1978, and is a completely distinct cigar. That’s not to say it’s no good…

Partagas 1845 Cigars

These Partagas cigars were created not in 1845 (they’d have gone a bit dry by now), but are a relatively recent creation as a celebration of the cigar’s rich heritage. Supposedly a “new taste spectrum for the brand” (yeah, we don’t get that either), you get Dominican and Nicaraguan combined, sometimes aged in rum barrels. Don’t think this was made on the hoof – there was a nine-year research period before this went into production. It’s a robust, dark cigar with a medium body and full flavour.

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They call the Black Label the “espresso” of cigars. It’s dark, extra rich, but has none of the bitterness that an espresso conjures up. What makes them especially dark is the age of the wrapper leaves – these are only harvested at the very last minute, and these are not Cameroonian, they’re grown in the Dominican Republic. Inside, once more, it’s a blend of Nicaraguan Ligero and Dominican Piloto Cubano Ligero. It’s a larger ring gauge, and it’s one for the more experienced smoker.

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“Why do high school girls have such a hard time
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“Maybe it’s related to the quest for a good man.”
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Mud Flap

I never broke up with anybody. My adolescence and late
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Have any of you ever read James D.L. Staunton’s 1958
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My marriage got off to a rocky start. I accidentally
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Upon electronic warming, fuck sounds were heard,
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listen real close). The continuing warm-up, with picture
visibility revealed a close-up from the fl oor angle of a rather
well-endowed man stuffi ng his pork-sword in the rear of a
petite young Hispanic lady (From that angle, you could only
tell she was Hispanic from the accent in her moan.). There is
nothing like using your balls as a mud fl ap. If there had been
a Clapper in the room, the lights would have had a strobe
effect due to his balls slapping her ass so rapidly.

My mother-in-law was in the room. I am not sure what
her previous impression of me was, but now there was little

“What the hell is that?”
“Well, what do you think it is?” her husband, and my
new father-in-law, replied.
She shot him a castrating look. “Well, it’s not good.”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
“Let’s hope he was right with his Lord.”
Almost giggling, “He was all right with mine.”
“This place has all the charm of a dead whore.”
“As opposed to a live one?”
After that it was all hats and horns.

“Remember the elementary school fi re alarm? I just
shit my pants, and now you want me to walk briskly to the
nearest exit?”

My name is Earl

When my siblings and I were kids, Sis could not go as
Elvira. My parents did not feel it would be appropriate. It
was not until just a few years ago, that kids stopped wearing
OJ Simpson’s Bills’ jersey. Unless you plan to wear a big
purple dinosaur outfi t, most animated characters do not go
out of style.

I got to thinking about helping my kids choose costumes
for this year’s Halloween. Matthew, my three-year-old boy
will probably want to be Tigger again, or perhaps Bob the
Builder. I do not think we could pull off Thomas the Train,
but it would be cute. I keep telling Shannon, my eight-yearold
daughter, that it would be a great year to go as the Statue
of Liberty. She insists that she will be a Husker cheerleader
again. Unless typical local predictions are wrong, the
popularity of the Husker Football player costume may show
a marked decrease.

The media makes it mean more, sort of symbolic at
times. If you choose to go retro, Goodwill always has a great
selection of old clothes. Real clothes are often warmer than
the thin plastic outfi ts Wal-Mart has to offer. I am guessing
you will see quite a few children dressed as soldiers.
Hopefully, they will remember the bright orange tips on the
end of the weapon barrels.

This defi nitely would not be the year to wear a “Bin
Laden” or “Saddam Hussein” suit. That abuse might even
bring back the Barney costume. Unless you’re wearing
Everlast shorts and boxing gloves, do not go as anybody
named Muhammad.

Years back, when I fi rst began my correctional career
at the Diagnostic and Evaluation Center, I made friends
with a young man named Earl Lemanski. Earl and I were
frequently paired up as fl oor corporal and control station
offi cer in housing unit one. Earl and I shared many stories,
and a great deal of what we told each other was for shock
value. Eventually, we learned that we were not shocking
each other, but discovering a kindred-perverted spirit. What
started from there was a competition of sorts. Who could
get away with more?

Things got started when Earl fi lled my lunch box with
toilet paper and trash bags. I did not notice until I got
home. The next time we worked together, I fi lled his cooler
with over-the-counter meds that we use for inmate ailments.
Making unintentional thieves out of each other got old
quickly, because we got in the habit of checking out our
respective lunch receptacles prior to leaving the post.

For a non-Marine, Earl had some unusual talents that
I appreciated. He could almost fart on command, and his
gas smelled like golf-course pond-water with extra range
balls. I do not have the time and space to offend you with
all the suitable entries, so I will just tell the most shocking
story of all.

Earl was the control station offi cer for units six and
seven on a day when unit six and their fl oor corporal were
in the gym. I was working unit seven, and many of my unit
inmates were out on passes, and one inmate in particular,
Fisher, would be out for at least an hour.

Billy Fisher was a pretty cool inmate, but he always
dropped ass right under Earl’s hatch. The gas was purely
evil, and even impressed Earl. Even I was impressed by the
sound. Fisher’s droppings had a way of reminding you of
steel girders being bent.

Not to be outdone, Earl hatched a plan. While Billy was
out, Earl and I switched places. I ran the control station, and
Earl worked the fl oor. He entered Billy’s cell, and fi lled the
toilet with wiping paper. Earl proceeded to take a massive
dump on top of the paper so it would not sink, and the water
would not absorb the stench. To top that off, when he wiped
his ass, he just threw the shit paper away in the trash can next
to the pot. Earl came out, and slammed the door, laughing
and adjusting his pants.

“You gotta see it dude, you just gotta see it. That muddump
makes me wonder why I feel so healthy.”
“Dude, I can see it from here, it’s like a mountain of

Prior to my departure, Earl claimed he was going to
perform the most daring feat of them all. He was constantly
talking about all the shit he could pilfer if wanted, but he
decided the one thing that would be worth the risk was the
fi re extinguisher.

“How the hell are you gonna steal the fi re
“I’m gonna walk out of here carrying my coat in my
hand, but my hand will be carrying the fi re extinguisher.
The coat will be a cover, disguising it.”

The strangest conversation we ever had involved the
naming of his soon-to-be-hatched twins. Earl and his wife,
Emily, both had names beginning with E. For some stupid
fucking reason, his wife wanted to start a tradition and
continue with the Es.

Jokingly, I said, “How about Elvis and Earnhardt?”
“That’s brilliant! We both love classic rock and roll, and
we are both race fans. But what if one is a girl?”
“Elvis and Earnhardt. They can call her Ernie, or by a
middle name.”
“What if they are both girls?”
“What about Elvira?”

“That’s a wicked-cool name.”
“Did I tell you about the time I met her in the Denver
airport? Her real name is Cassandra Peterson, and she is
a redhead. I offered to buy her a beer, and she said it had
to be a Coors Light. I suppose that’s because she had a
“She’s a redhead?”
“Yah. Red on the head like a dick on a dog.”
“You sat with Elvira and drank a beer?”
“Yah, and just so nobody could ever say, “You should
have at least asked,” I asked her.”
“What do you mean you asked her?”
“I asked her if the carpet matched the drapes.”
“Then what?”
“Do you want the truth, or do you want a good story?”
“Oh fuck, you got me hanging, lie to me!”

Coachella music festival – quickly but not quietly becoming the next woodstock

Back in the hot summer of 1969, over 500,000 music lovers gathered for a historic three day concert on a dairy farm in Bethel, New York.  The Woodstock Music & Art Fair, today simply referred to as Woodstock, is widely regarded as one of the greatest and most pivotal moments in popular music history.  Over the course of three days more than 30 acts performed in the sometimes rainy conditions.

Today we may not have Woodstock, but the memory of what Woodstock accomplished for the arts lives on through events like the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival.  The Coachella Festival is a three-day annual music and arts festival, held at the Empire Polo Fields in Indio, California.  Alternative rock, hip hop and electric music are just a few of the genres that surround exhibits of large sculptural art.

The Coachella Valley is a large valley landform in Southern California.  It is approximately 15 miles wide and is locked by the San Jacino Mountains and the Santa Rosa Mountains on the west and the north and east by the Little San Bernadino Mountains.  The San Andreas Fault crosses the valley near the southeast corner and the fault is easily visible along the northern length of the valley as a strip of greenery against an otherwise bare mountain.

The Coachella Festival is known for its breathtaking atmosphere as it lies within a desert setting.  Daytime temperatures can reach 100 degrees while sunset brings in significantly cooler temperatures.  The event has several stages/tents setup throughout the grounds, each showcasing live music continuously.

The 2011 Coachella Music and Arts Festival will be held on Friday, April 15th through Sunday, April 17th.  The Black Keys, Mumford and Sons, Duran Duran, Kanye West and over 200 other acts will perform and cheap Coachella tickets are still available online.

With such noteworthy musical guests and Coahcella’s geographic proximity to Hollywood, celebrities flock to the high profile event.  It is reported that past festivals have been visited by Alicia Silverstone, Elijah Wood, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, David Hasselhoff and Lindsay Lohan to name a few.

Though Woodstock was designed to yield a profit, it famously became a “free concert” only after it became obvious that the event was drawing hundreds of thousands more people than the organizers had anticipated.  Tickets for Woodstock cost 8.00 in advance and just $24.00 at the gate for all three days of entertainment.

Want to be a part of history?  Join the celebs and check out Coachella.  The music is top-notch and the atmosphere is like no other.

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